From CLN NewsDesk:
Only in India does the annual announcement of the Budget get so much attention. It would make sense if there is a timely review done even once, mid-year perhaps to validate assumptions, undertake course corrections and more than anything else – respect transparency and accountability.
Suresh Subrahmanyan’s article makes for compulsive humorous reading!
It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it. George W. Bush.
It is that time of the year again. In just a few days, February 1st to be exact, India’s Finance Minister Ms. Nirmala Sitharaman will step up to the podium in the Lok Sabha to deliver the nation’s 75th Annual Budget for 2025. For a record 8th time, if I am any judge. If past practice is anything to go by, she will clear her throat in front of the microphone (this carries more gravitas than saying ‘hullo, hullo, mike testing, mike testing, 1,2,3’ etc) as the clock chimes 11 times ante meridiem. She will be attired in an understatedly elegant fashion, befitting a lady of her exalted and dignified position amongst the nation’s comity of cabinet ministers and parliamentarians. The Prime Minister will be seated by himself, watching his FM avuncularly. As is her wont, Ms. Sitharaman will speak with pursed lips even as an enraptured and anticipatory public will await the goodies and freebies that will, with any luck, be disgorged from her purse strings. Or not. But not before she recites the statutory stanza from some Tamil poet or the other, which no one will follow. That said, it’s eyes down for a full house, as one of my favourite British comedians Tony Hancock used to say.
India’s captains of industry and commerce as well as several self-appointed financial and business analysts will be seen huddled around tables in various television channels parsing and analysing every single statement that the Minister makes, its likely positive or negative impact on an unsuspecting public. The Nifty and Sensex readings, visible at the bottom of our idiot box screens, will jump up and down like a yo-yo with every provision Ms. Sitharaman announces. The late Mr. Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, whose pearls of wisdom on the budget and the bourses we so eagerly awaited will be sorely missed, but there will be several others of considerable standing who will be sitting uneasily and holding forth and, at times, fifth and sixth as well.
These worthies will be taking delicate bites of their cookies, samosas and cream crackers generously supplied by the channels as they provide their own learned sound bites, hydrated with endless cups of hot beverages. Each of these panellists will be armed with something that looks like a mini tennis racket, without the gut strings naturally, bearing numbers from 1 to 10 in descending order of approval, 10 signifying ecstatic to 1 being pathetic, which they will wave at the screens on being asked to score each of the provisions announced. All of which will be collated by the television anchor and a final verdict on Ms. Sitharaman’s long peroration will be delivered. For the record, I have rarely, if ever, come across an industry magnate say anything negative about the budget. After all, he has to deal with ministry officials over the next 12 months and knows only too well which side his bread is buttered on. A final tally of 7.5 over 10 is about par for the course.
Once the budget has been delivered to the nation Ms. Sitharaman, proudly displaying her carefully designed and embroidered crimson-red budget valise, will pose with her posse of brainy departmental secretaries for the cameras, relief and triumph clearly visible in their broad smiles. Then it’s off to be interviewed by a dozen or so television channels, who will all ask her the same questions only to be given the same answers. Of course, the FM will not fail to acknowledge the inspiring leadership role of her Prime Minister after every second sentence. The TV channels will also buttonhole the heads of various chambers of commerce who will unfailingly shower encomiums on the FM’s far-sightedness. In the immortal words of The Beatles, it will have been A Hard Day’s Night for the Finance Ministry.
Enter stage left, the leaders of various opposition political parties, to whom the television channels will scamper to get their take on the ruling dispensation’s budget provisions. Every single member of the opposition, regardless of the party in question, will roundly condemn the budget. ‘This is a pro-rich budget,’ they will scream. ‘Nothing for the poor, the farmers and the middle-class. Prices are soaring and the people are struggling’ they will intone in unison. ‘This budget speech was written by Ambani and Adani and faithfully read out by the FM,’ will be the final salvo. ‘But Sir, she has provided huge tax relief to the salaried class, isn’t that something?’ the microphone-waving correspondent will butt in. The riposte is swift. ‘Ah, you fell for that, did you? My friend, she is raising corporate taxes and levying additional imposts on air and train travel. You think we are idiots?’ Well, that’s not for me to venture an opinion. You know what you are. Come on folks, tell us something we haven’t heard before.
We are then left with the man and woman on the street or the Common Man, as the late, beloved cartoonist R.K. Laxman collectively portrayed India’s much trodden-on average citizen. Here is a cross section of India’s citizens giving us the benefit of their views after the budget speech. At least, that is how I think they will respond, as the budget itself is yet to be presented.
Mumbai housewife – ‘Yes, yes. Every year, my husband returns home from work on February 1st in a foul mood because of something or the other the Finance Minister said which will affect his take-home pay. He says we will have to cut down on household expenses. No more chocolates for my daughter, only toffees. Eating out only once a month. Thinking of selling his second-hand Maruti and buying a two-wheeler. But he is very silent on his one bottle of Old Monk rum every week!’
IPL debutant – ‘I was bought out at the auction for Rs. 52 lakhs. And Rishabh Pant got Rs.18 crores. I am only 17 years old and now my team’s accountant tells me I have to pay the government at least 30% of my pay plus some additional amount because of the budget. What is a budget anyway? And who is this Ms. Sitharaman? I have never read a newspaper in my life. On my mobile? I only stream Instagram and TikTok. Rishabh Pant hasn’t read a newspaper either. He’s got a shock coming. I was thinking of giving up cricket, but my coach told me to concentrate and score 50+ runs in ten balls and my pay will instantly go up to Rs. 3 crores. The accountant can then guide me on how to avoid paying taxes. So I am practicing hard to hit sixes. Maybe I will consult Mahi Bhai. They pay him crores just to face 4 balls and hit three sixes.’
Bollywood double – ‘I am the poor mug who doubles for Shah Rukh Khan and all the other Khans in Bollywood whenever a dangerous, life-threatening sequence has to be shot. Whether it is going toe to toe with a man-eating tiger or saving some damsel in distress from a rapacious villain with only one thing on his mind, I get to do all the dirty work while the Khans rest comfortably on their laurels. They pay me a measly Rs.20,000/- per two-hour shift (and no accident insurance), while the Khans get paid sums with so many zeroes my head spins dizzyingly. The Bollywood Doubles Union put in an appeal last year to the FM to give us doubles some special benefits in the budget but she took no notice. Instead, actors like the Khans get all kinds of sops in case some nut tries to stab them in the middle of the night. We’ve got doubles for that as well.’
Managing Director of a large corporate house – ‘Life is hard as it is. My family and I have to get by on just Rs.52 crores annually after taxes. I have to maintain four chauffeur driven cars, my daughter and son are in Stanford and Harvard respectively, my wife has had to reduce her foreign holidays with her friends to just once a month. It is simply not good enough. Then there are the three servants, two cooks and four security guards, all of them costing a bomb. And I really wish we had stopped at two Golden Retrievers and one German Sheperd. And one of them is pregnant. That’s a lot of doggies but no, my daughter had to have the two Pekinese to play with on her holidays home. The Budget just ignores people like us who contribute to the wealth of this nation after slogging 90 hours every week. I have sought an urgent meeting with the Finance Secretary. No response so far.’
There are so many more tragic tales like this. Will the Finance Minister look into all such genuine grievances and help the distressed citizens of this great nation while delivering the Budget speech? You can do it Madam. Loved the sari you wore last year. Let us Make India Great Again (MIGA). I can hardly wait for February 1st.
Published with permission from Mr. Suresh Subrahmanyan. He blogs at –https://sureshsubrahmanyan.blog/
