Featured Image: A photograph of a Kodava Wedding at Madikeri. Mid 20th Century. © Nilgiri Documentation Centre (NDC), Konnerimukku, Kotagiri, The Nilgiris. / British Library.
The compulsive spending patterns that has gripped the Indian consumer, aided and abetted by social media advertising, has become a curse. We have just experienced the festive fever spend and now a more dangerous wedding fever has gripped the nation. The estimates suggest 46 lakh weddings with a projected spend of Rs 6.5 Lakh crores, based on estimates by the Confederation of All India Traders. Wedding expenditure does not cover only the expenses incurred by the bride and groom – it embraces jewellery, clothes (sarees, suits), salons and more, incurred by all the guests!
So let’s turn our attention to Kodavas – the wedding season has commenced in earnest, following a long dhoby list of “Nammes” of every form – sports (Hockey, Football, Cricket, Kabaddi, Tug-of-war, Badminton, Shooting, Cross-country, Carrom – anything left 🤔) cultural, travel – a never ending stream of events that involves valuable time and expense. On a rough and ready basis, even if there are 500 Kodava weddings in a year, the associated all round spend could be anywhere upwards of Rs 750 Crores. Much of it is “borrowed” avoidable spending. Mamatha Subbaiah does a wonderful job, as always, in addressing this malaise and in a down-to-earth manner advocates better sense to prevail.
We don’t have any effective curbs on luxury consumption these days. These are the people who are breaking the bank for fancy, expensive goods in order to appear wealthy or to keep up with the Joneses. All this consumption – especially of pointless luxuries – doesn’t seem sustainable, either economically or environmentally. But what can societies do to curb the heedless acquisition of wasteful luxuries?
To quote Rev Richter’s observations from the 1870 Education Report –
Kodavas should get their priorities straight – and should spend less money on liquor and extravagant marriages, still holds true. – CLN Newsdesk
Time and again, I have written about the urgent need for Kodavas to pause, reflect and correct our course on social indulgences. We are going through one of the most challenging economic phases in recent memory, yet our social functions, weddings, engagements, naming ceremonies …. only grow larger and more ostentatious. Our tradition does not demand such opulence and unaffordable expenditure.
Kodava weddings were never meant to be a vulgar display of unaffordable riches like the proverbial Big Fat Indian Weddings. Our way of life was dignified, intimate gatherings, rooted in culture and camaraderie, not competition for oneupmanship. But today, the pressure to outdo others has overtaken the very essence of our ceremonies.
Just recently, I attended a wedding that made me question how far we have drifted from the core sanctity of a Kodava wedding. The Hall was overflowing, chairs were scarce and there was simply no place to sit. Guests, elders, neighbours, family friends, stood for hours, shifting from corner to corner. And I found myself asking what is the point of inviting hundreds when one cannot offer even the basic courtesy of a seat? Hospitality is not numbers. It is about a warm welcome upon arrival, good care, comfort and respect for being there to bless the bride or groom or both on an auspicious occasion. This is what constitutes our culture – Kodavaame. Everything else is extravaganza without purpose.
The endless indulgence in celebrations in Kodagu is quietly killing precious man-days and loss of revenue. Plantation work suffers when entire days are lost to functions. Families empty savings and worse “borrow”, to match social expectations. What was once a simple “Oor” gathering has turned into a high budget event complete with decor themes, choreographed dances, and cross-border indulgences that add nothing to the essence of the ceremony.
Take the Lagna Patti for instance. Traditionally only four to ten elders met to formalise the marriage, occasionally in the presence of Kaniyas. A quiet dignified agreement nothing more. Today engagements look like weddings themselves, with stage decorations, massive crowds and unnecessary expense.
Even the humble Oorkuduva of the past has transformed into mini receptions.
In the rush to appear modern, we are abandoning the beauty of our own customs. It is time for a cultural reset. A return to sanity. A reclaiming of values our elders lived by…. back to “basics”.
- Affordability should be the main criteria. Keep it simple. Excessive states of inebriation with uncontrolled alcohol consumption leaves a stigma on the occasion. Budget the expenses carefully.
- Attendance can be wisely limited to close circle of friends and relatives for functions to save time, money and precious time for work.
The uniqueness of a Kodava wedding has never been in the number of plates served or the scale of decoration. It lies in the blessings of elders, the warmth of families coming together, the rituals passed down through centuries.
I chanced upon a very meaningful message written by one of our wise ancestors – Coluvanda Cariappa about educated Coorgs being blessed with educated wives is truly meaningful. It reflects how our elders placed education – especially women’s education at the heart of a progressive society. That wisdom feels even more relevant today. When real development still begins with empowering and educating women, who in the nit too distant past were the steady anchors of Kodava households.
I would also like to requote what I had written in my previous article on Horoscopes:
What is lost here is the original Kodava kinship and spirit – where we observed the great value of the sammanda kodupo ceremony. To quote Kaveri Ponnapa from The Vanishing Kodavas – “The essence of the Kodava vows of marriage lies in a beautiful tableau like scene, the bride and groom, flanked by a row of their kinsmen and Aruvas on either side, standing before all the gathered guests, in the Sammanda Kodupo ceremony. Both Aruvas hold small pebbles , representing gold coins in their hands, and engage in a concise, graceful dialogue, full of wry humour and improvisation that keep the listeners engaged. The Sammanda Kodupo is a verbal contract that publicly confers all rights in the groom’s property on the bride, impressing on her, and her Okka, the position of responsibility she will hold in his clan, and equally, the reciprocity expected of the groom’s Okka. The spirit of a Kodava marriage is one of sharing and partnership. For the Kodavas, kinship and the solidarity of their Okka was everything.”
Extravaganza is not tradition. Simplicity is not outdated and culture is not measured in crowds. If Kodava weddings must remain meaningful, we must choose tradition over extravaganza and restrict our numbers. Guests deserve a place to sit, families deserve financial peace and our culture deserves “integrity” – only then can we say we have honoured both our heritage and our future.
Mamatha’s write-up is timely. At least now, we Kodavas should wake up and curb extravagant spending during weddings. There have been many articles on this subject, yet no concrete steps have been taken by our samajas or Okka elders.
Our main problem is the constant urge to “show off” and prove that we are not misers. Many fear, “What will others think of me?” or “How will I face my family members if I conduct a simple wedding?” This mindset is pushing families into unnecessary financial burden.
One of the biggest contributors to high wedding expenses is the spending on liquor. The open bar on Oor-Kooduva day has become the main culprit, with lakhs of rupees spent simply to display one’s financial capability. While affluent Kodavas may be able to afford such expenses, ordinary families often attempt to match them and later struggle to repay the loans incurred.
In earlier days, weddings were community-driven, and villagers helped with preparations. The Oor-Kooduva Paddathi had cultural value and purpose. But now, with weddings shifting to kalyana mantaps, much of that has changed.
A practical solution is to opt for a one-day wedding, which would significantly reduce unnecessary expenditure. It is time for Okka elders and authoritative members of the community to consider this proposal seriously.
I wish that Akhila Kodava Samaja can take a lead by organising an annual mass wedding event.
Such social reforms must be facilitated by community leaders, who should lead by example by including their children’s or grandchildren’s weddings in the mass wedding event alongside other couples.
The simple wedding social reform is a subject for Gen Z to decide, while the elders are bound by peer pressure.
It’s all about social stigma!!! The syndrome of competition and one upmanship has to stop for this extravaganza to be set right.
In recent years, it has become increasingly evident that our wedding celebrations are often marked by excessive and unnecessary expenditure. What should be a meaningful and joyous occasion is sometimes overshadowed by the pressure to display grandeur and outdo one another. As a result, we find ourselves spending far more than needed, often at the cost of financial prudence. It is time we acknowledge this concern and take a responsible first step—by limiting the number of invitees and focusing on the true essence of our traditions. As the wise saying goes, “A penny saved is a penny earned.”
Beyond this issue lies an even more pressing worry. Our Kodava population is steadily declining, and a considerable portion of our ancestral land is being transferred to non-Kodavas. This trend poses a significant threat to our cultural identity, our heritage, and the legacy that has been passed down through generations. The loss of our land is not merely a practical concern—it is an emotional one, touching the very heart of who we are as a people.
At this crucial moment, we must come together with unity and purpose. It is essential that we adopt mindful spending habits, strengthen our collective resolve, and form a consortium dedicated to preserving and retaining Kodava land. Through shared responsibility and coordinated action, we can protect our traditions, safeguard our homeland, and ensure that the future generations of Kodavas inherit both the pride and the security of their roots.
I completely agree with the points raised in this article. The rise of extravagant and unnecessary spending on weddings has become a concerning trend, and it’s disappointing to see it seep into Kodava weddings as well. What was once a meaningful celebration rooted in tradition is slowly turning into a display of excess, often putting families under pressure financially and socially.
It’s important for us to reflect on whether these lavish expenses truly add value to the occasion or simply distract from the essence of the ceremony. Weddings should be about togetherness, culture, and genuine joy not competition or show. I hope more people recognise this and choose to celebrate in ways that honour our heritage without unnecessary waste.
What a wonderful article Mamatha has written. The ability to awaken the dormant spirit of an otherwise upright, inclusive and community oriented people is an enviable skill. The dignified conduct of the Kodava ethos is best exemplified by the fact that we have no dowries being accepted nor offered – unlike some crazy practices In Andhra/Telengana and in the north of the Vindhyas.
If this advanced decency exists, why over-indulge in excessive showmanship when it comes to social functions? There was a time in the past when it was considered a social stigma to excessive showcasing of wealth – it was looked down upon. We are by nature simple folks who lived lives with humility. Time to reset our habits and curb ostentatious public display of spending… affordable or otherwise.
I reproduce here, an excerpt from my write-up on kodava marriage:
the feast…. was a far cry from the false pomp and vulgar ostentation of the nouveau riche crowd that rules the roost in Coorg today. By its Spartan simplicity and discipline, if practiced today, it would stand out among the wastefulness and caricature of the joie de vivre that we Indians seem to think constitutes the ideal way of celebrating a solemn and memorable occasion when two people decide to dedicate themselves, each for the others cause.
While I fully agree with what Mamatha has shared, there are basically 2 reasons why the current practice of ‘flouting wealth’ at weddings will continue.
1) People have a mind set and want to compete with others – be it numbers or anything else.
2) Fear of being ridiculed by relatives and friends and looked down, if the wedding is not a ‘Grand’ affair.
If Kodavas can come out of the above, weddings can be simple and limited to close relatives and friends.
Read the excellent article by Mamatha Subbaiah, the effective introduction by CLN news desk and also the comments have been very engaging.
This may sound trivial in the context of the need to keep our weddings and other social functions simple – but can we kindly ensure that the people who dance at weddings LEARN THE CORRECT STEPS AND MAINTAIN THE DIGNITY OF THE OCCASION. Perhaps Organisations like The Akhila Kodava Samaja, the numerous Kodava Samajas and the multifarious other social organizations can actually TEACH our dances to preserve the integrity of our customs.
There are several videos posted on YouTube and other social media platforms of youngsters (boys, girls and young adults) dancing in tracksuits, sports shoes and showcasing unfamiliar dance forms in front of the Valaga. What a spectacle it must seem to the poor Valagakaras! The entire sanctity of the Ganga Puja for the tired bride is lost.
Great article – true to the reflection of our culture drifting away from the core values and customs that make us Kodavas who we are. Unfortunately, marriages have become a reflection of stature and prestige, rather than a precious occasion to start a new journey for the bride and groom.
It is disturbing to notice that so many young adults are unmarried due to social issues. We need to take remedial measures to prevent these phenomena becoming a cause for the decline of Kodava population in the not-so distant future.
I deeply appreciate Mamatha Subbaiah’s concern and Brilliant journalism 👏. This is timely and deeply needed.This article is more than a suggestion..it is a wake up call and deserves to be taken seriously by all of us.
This is one of the best articles and I completely endorse your views. Why do we spend so lavishly, what for? I just cannot fathom this. The simple weddings we had earlier and which we have witnessed is the need of the hour. As rightly mentioned, whom are we trying to impress and compete with..being pennywise and pound foolish..just a thought…when we have our Karona kodupo ceremony, the elders from each Okka can reiterate the need for having simple wedding ceremonies in the future..This should be the norm going forward rather than going ahead with extravaganza which is such a waste of everything.
Dear Mamatha Subbiah,
Your articles are always timely and deeply needed, which are mostly needed to kodavas and kodagu. In a period when kodagu is going through economic strain, your reminder about unnecessary extravaganza in our weddings is both courageous and responsible. Many kudos to CLN for inviting such write-ups.
Truth is a bitter pill. The truth here is presented with great accuracy. But … then will our people digest the truth, learn lessons, and act sensibly????
We had a great lesson in the form of Covid when things were done sensibly on a small scale, but soon after that, the whole thing seems to have been wiped out, and the population is back with a vengeance.
Let all Kodavas enjoy all Kodava festivals. Also friends and relatives marriage etc but there should be a limit or standard for every thing including excessive use of liquor. Nowadays it is increasing day by day which is not a positive trend for our future generation.
We don’t have any effective curbs on luxury consumption these days. The luxury industry — making expensive clothes, bags, watches, and jewelry that exist more as status signals than useful objects — has boomed in recent years. Its profits almost tripled in just the five year period between 2019 and 2024. So-called “aspirational luxury consumers” have become key to the luxury industry and the economy at large. These are the people who are breaking the bank for fancy, expensive goods in order to appear wealthy.
While it is reasonable for the billionaires, the rest of us struggle to make ends meet.
The problem arises when the aura on luxury spending has trickled down to the non-billionaire class….and this extends to weddings.
I completely agree that Kodavas should get their priorities straight – and should spend less money on liquor and extravagant marriages.
We should do awareness programmes educating community to spend moderately on liquor during such occasions. We Kodavas, though dignified, are associated with excessive alcohol on such occasions. This is not something to be proud of.
I recall with nostalgia of weddings I attended in my youth. There was always protocol, propriety and ‘maryada’. Family elders were the honoured attendees. The men, traditionally attired and wearing head-dress. ‘Mande-thuni’ or turban. A man wasn’t permitted to enter the ‘manthappa’ to bless the bride unless his head was covered. Where seating protocol was concerned the senior ladies sat in the front row, facing the bride, or groom. Arrayed behind them in rows were other ladies, first the married ones, and behind them others.
The senior ladies were the first to bless the bride/groom. Always done in an orderly, dignified manner. No pushing or shoving to ‘get it over and done with’, as appears the norm today. Often one sees an expanse of leg as the individual scrambles to get onto the ‘mantap’.
The men followed in due course observing the time-honoured protocol of the elders preceding all others. I recall borrowing a turban when I wanted to invoke Kaveriamma’s blessings.
Gone are the days of sit-down meals, where dishes served by ladies of the family was spooned onto banana leaves. We began eating when the Elders started. Then when done, the Elder signalled it was ok to rise, and make way for the others.
I must conclude by saying that Mamatha is my favourite Scribe whose articles are well-timed and always reminding us of our Heritage.
Thank you Mamatha for raising a very pertinent issue. How I long for the days when we could sit and partake the wedding meal. We need to self limit our guests and expenditure.
Good, solid writing Mamatha Subbaiah. You are making a solid reputation for yourself in writing such articles with clarity of purpose and factual interpretation. The community should be proud of you as there are so few Kodava journalists committed to the future well-being of the community.
Will we learn from such guidance – hopefully yes, despite the insightful outsider’s warning by Rev. Richter:
Kodavas should get their priorities straight – and should spend less money on liquor and extravagant marriages …
This needs to be drummed into what we interpret Kodavaame as being a way of life – simplicity with humility, care for the community and a more responsible way of sharing prosperity for the greater good of humanity.
This article is very apt and serves as a much-needed refresher. It rightly points out the importance of preserving the true essence and sanctity of a Kodava wedding. Hopefully, it inspires our community to return to celebrating weddings with smaller, more intimate gatherings that make the occasion pleasant and meaningful for the family and attendees alike. Yes, attending big fat weddings can often feel boring and pointless. This article truly captures the sentiment and is exactly the reminder we need to set our priorities right in these times.
There is an old saying – Save for the Rainy Day – when coffee prices and worse, land prices go up, it follows trade cycles. We inherited land and it’s our obligation to pass it on to future generations…. NOT SELL to blow it up for momentary extravaganza.
This sobering headline below should make people stop in their tracks and take note:
6,000 coffee growers in Karnataka stand to lose plantations over unpaid loans Banks are gearing up to recover their dues by auctioning the plantations under the Securitisation and Reconstruction of Financial Assets and Enforcement of Interest (SARFAESI) Act.
Read more at: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/6-000-coffee-growers-may-lose-plantations-over-unpaid-loans-3609767
ITS TIME WE KODAVAS TIGHTENED OUR BELTS AND PRESERVE OUR INHERITANCE… they don’t make land anymore!
To what end does this senseless extravaganza serve? Pure wasteful indulgence. If you want the world to know how rich one is, show this opulence in extravagant contribution in the Family’s Name to a good cause – Education, Medical Trust, Elderly Care – a cause that people will recall and bless the family for their thoughtful generosity.
When the wedding guest list exceeds 500 and progresses into 1000s, there is no “opportunity to register one’s presence” or for that matter to spend any meaningful time with the host. Senseless social obligations being dispensed without meaning.
And to add salt to one’s wounds, the entire commercial benefit of the expenditure flows to every other community other than the Kodavas. Pause and undertake a course correction 🙏🏼
Very timely and “telling” article by Mamatha Subbaiah – she is developing into a very good resource for communicating real concerns within our Kodava Community. This is an important wake-up call.
The very essence of Oorkuduva suggests that it is a small gathering amongst close relatives, friends and the immediate families in the surrounding village/keri. Apparently last week there was a gathering of 2000+ for a lagna patrike event – not for us to criticize – to each their own; but imagine the alternate use of the money by the young couple. The counter could be that the kids don’t need it – then …. take a pause and put it to better use.
When COVID happened, the numbers were restricted and the significance of the children getting married is no less. Large numbers result in further larger numbers in the future – applying the theory of reciprocity.
The article highlights a very real concern—the growing culture of excessive, showy spending in India and which has rubbed off within the Kodava community. The Kodava way of life was exemplified by simplicity, quiet dignity, involvement of the community and shared experiences. We were once simple and Kodava weddings were rooted in warmth, kinship and minimal rituals.
It is unfortunate that these events are increasingly turning into large, expensive spectacles driven by social pressure. The trend of overcrowded halls and guests left standing reflect how numbers have overtaken genuine hospitality.
The most worrisome fact though is that families are exhausting their savings or borrowing just to keep up with expectations, which is neither sustainable nor aligned with our traditions. This strain affects not only households but also daily work and productivity in Kodagu.
The reminders from elders and historians—from Rev. Richter to Coluvanda Cariappa—underline that 𝗦𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗞𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘃𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲.
A reset is needed. Limiting numbers, spending wisely and returning to the essence of our rituals will preserve both our finances and our heritage. True Kodava culture lies not in extravagance but in respect, warmth and the blessings of our elders.
Very good article – thanks for publishing. I hope the Kodava community will pay heed to the advice.
Mamtha like always has an uncanny eye to choose the right topic at the very right time. This article by mamtha is so very eye opening and extremely relevant in our present day context. We need to share this and make it viral in all kodava groups so that the reality really sinks inside all of us on how artificial we are all becoming in this rat race called competition for showing off.
Absolutely agree with this. Weddings have become an unnecessary drain of money, energy, time and everything. We turn a two-day affair into a massive production, inviting people we know, people we don’t know, and even relatives who haven’t seen the bride or groom once in their lives. We pour money into décor, catering, extravaganza… and still someone will go home saying the salt was missing in the pork curry.
As a community, it’s really time we take a stand. We don’t have to go all the way back to the olden ways, but we can surely cut down the competitive, pointless spending and focus on what actually matters. Simplicity never goes out of style.